For Now and Always
by PhoebeSnow
Summary: With the signing of the registration act upon the Avengers, Natasha is torn between her support of the Accords, her sense of duty and her loyalty to Steve.
1. Times Are Changing

**A/N:** **As you guys know, Civil War is now out on dvd and there is a wonderful extension of the scene between Steve and Nat in the church. Because of that, I decided to do a revision of this story, as well as rename it. This now revised fic will contain more dialogue from the film, which is definitely a plus in my book! Please enjoy this revised story of For Now and Always - formerly known as My Heart is With You. :D**

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The Sokovia Accords couldn't have come at a worse time in Natasha's opinion. From the moment Secretary Ross told the Avengers that people were scared and there needed to be safeguards in place, she knew it would mean trouble. Even though Natasha had chosen in favor of the registration for practical reasons, she still hated it.

She didn't particularly care for the United Nations either, but what else could she do? It was the UN and even though the Avengers were a group of people with superpowers, they couldn't _fight_ the government. It would only make things worse, make them outlaws.

Natasha had already been a rogue for a long time in her life, and she wasn't eager to start living that kind of life again. She needed the Avengers to stay together so they could continue the good work they had been doing, protecting the world from forces that threaten to destroy it. In order to keep from being taken out of commission, they would have to compromise some things.

Yes, she understood Steve's point of view on the subject. After everything they went through together, she knew that he might never agree to sign the Accords and that tore at her heart. The Avengers were her family now and she wanted to keep them together, not divide them. Unfortunately, the Accords were primed to be the battering ram that would separate them all.

It was true. The Avengers had made some mistakes and if they agreed to sign the accords, the government might be willing to loosen the constraints after a while. The point was to get on their good side and as much as Natasha couldn't stand Ross or the UN, the only option for the Avengers was to tread lightly.

Natasha had a feeling that Steve would go back to the church after Peggy had been buried, so she waited for a moment to be alone with him. It was probably the last time they would have such a luxury since the signing of the Accords was in a couple of days. After that, things would be very different for the Avengers.

As she predicted, Steve was leaning against one of the pews and she walked over to him. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking down at the floor. Natasha felt a sharp twinge of pain for him. She couldn't imagine how difficult it must have been for him to lose one of the only two people he had ties with to his past.

From what Steve had told Natasha and what she'd personally read about the woman, Peggy Carter bridged the gap between politics and espionage, especially for women. She was a pioneer in her own right, she was one of the founding members of SHIELD, and she had done many great things for the UK as well as the US.

Peggy was also the was the first woman who ever captured Steve's heart, a fact which, at first, Natasha found herself a little jealous over and she **never** got jealous. However, since she and Steve had became a couple a few months after exposing HYDRA, Natasha had gotten used to hearing about his past and the important people in his life. Not that it was burdensome by any means.

Steve's relationship with Peggy never had the chance to become very serious before he crashed into the ice in 1945. Still, they did share a bond and Steve did consider Peggy to be his 'best girl' for a while. Once he had been taken out of the ice and awakened in the present day, though, things between the two of them were different. Peggy was a much older woman and Steve was now a young man in his thirties.

Those feelings he had for Peggy never went away, but they matured into a caring friendship as he began to spend time visiting her in her final years. Before she passed away, Steve told her about he and Natasha. She hadn't been surprised. Prior to their established relationship, Peggy had a feeling there was more between Steve and Natasha than he even knew at the time. It was clear there was something between the two of them from the way he talked about her.

When Steve told Peggy that he was seeing the redhead, Peggy smiled at him and wished him every happiness. "I think that's wonderful, Steve. _She's_ your girl now." There was arguing with that because it was true. Even though Peggy would always be Steve's first love, she was gone now and he felt more at ease with moving on. She'd given him her blessing and he wouldn't take something like that lightly.

"Hey," Natasha came over to Steve, standing opposite him and leaning against a pew. "How are you holding up?"

He sighed and looked up at her, face full of grief and peace. "As well as can be expected, I suppose. It's just...when I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone. Then I found out she was alive. I was just lucky to have her."

"She had you back, too," Natasha replied. And she meant it, but Steve still looked unsure and pensive. Natasha wanted to reassure him, give him some kind of comfort to help him get through this.

"Even after everything that happened with SHIELD, during my little hiatus, I went back to Russia and tried to find my parents." She shook her head, remembering the sadness she felt when she discovered that they had died in her absence. "Two little grave stones by a chain link fence. Tsk. I pulled some weeds and left some flowers. We have what we have when we have it."

Her intention wasn't to depress Steve, but to encourage him that the time they had with the people they love was precious. Even after they're gone, as long as you hold their memory in your heart, they still live on through you.

Steve nodded and gave her a probing look. This was one of the very few times she had ever told him anything about her parents. He understood that it wasn't easy for her to talk about her past and respected that she felt comfortable enough to tell him a little about it. It didn't take him long before he asked quietly, "Who else signed it?"

Her response came with no hesitation. "Tony, Rhody, Vision." Honestly, it was no surprise that those three signed it. Tony had been clearly emotionally compromised, Rhodey was a colonel in the military and would do whatever the government required of him, Vision was...well, _Vision_. What else was there to say?

"Clint?" There was a hinge of doubt in his voice. Steve had gotten to know Clint well over the past couple of years and he had a strong gut feeling that the man would not have signed the accords.

"Said he's retired." Not that she could blame her best friend for that decision. Natasha knew Clint well enough to see that there was no way he'd have signed the contract. She respected his decision to retire though and hoped that Steve might consider seeing things that way, too.

"Wanda?"

She sighed and let her hands rest at her sides. "TBD...I'm off to Vienna and there's plenty of room on the jet." She was likely not going to get anywhere, trying to convince Steve to change his mind, but Natasha had to try. She loved him too much to just let it lie.

Stepping towards him, she added, "I know it's hard, but...just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't mean it's the wrong path. Staying together is more important than _how_ we stay together." Natasha was saying this about the Avengers, but she meant it about she and Steve as well. Perhaps she was being selfish, but she didn't care. She loved him and wanted him to be by her side.

It would be painful for her if she had to be an Avenger without Steve there. After all, **he** was the one who helped break through her protective shell and get her to open up more. He made her realise that she was doing something good for the world and redeeming herself by being an Avenger. Steve Rogers reached out to the human inside Natasha and made her believe that the Black Widow wasn't who was she as a person.

No one else touched her on such a deep level, not even Clint. She was past the point of feeling like she owed Steve a debt that could never be repaid. Steve Rogers had proved himself to her over and over again and she knew him intimately. He didn't want or need her to think she was beholden to him for anything. All he wanted was to have her in his life, and so did she.

She knew she disappointed him when she spoke in favor of the registration act, but she hoped he could understand why she chose it. Natasha didn't say yes to the Accords because of an emotional reason, like Tony did. She took it for practical reasons. Being under the supervision of the UN wouldn't be easy, but at least the team wouldn't have to retire. That was not an option for her, but what did it mean for Steve?

As she looked into his eyes, Natasha saw that there was more resolve in those blue orbs than she had ever seen before. Her heart was breaking already and the Accords hadn't even been signed yet. It was doing its job on the both of them right here and now.

He shook his head. "What are we giving up to do it?"

Natasha had nothing to say to that. No helpful words of advice, no witty comeback. After all, even if she did, how would that possibly fix the situation they'd found themselves in? She opened her mouth to speak, only to close it again. She felt so helpless and she hated it.

"Sorry, Nat. I can't sign it," Steve said, beautiful defiance etched across his features.

It was that steadfastness to his morals that originally drew Natasha to Steve and in the end, was part of the reason she fell in love with him. Even if they ended up being enemies - which is something that Natasha hoped would **never** happen - she would always love him for that.

The redhead sighed. "I know..."

"Well, then...what are you doing here?" He asked her, not unkindly.

Natasha's lips parted and she looked into his blue eyes, marveling at the strength she saw there, but also the vulnerability. "I didn't want you to be alone..." She stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder. "Come here." She wrapped her arms around his upper torso. It didn't take Steve long before he slipped his hands around her waist.

They held on tightly, as if they would never touch each other again. Several minutes passed before she pulled away and gripped his hand in hers. They just gazed into each other's eyes and she lovingly cupped his cheek with her other hand.

"See you when I get back?"

"I'm not going anywhere." He could see the concern in her eyes and it touched him. Even though he decided against signing the accords, he didn't want her to feel anxious. Things definitely wouldn't be the same since he'd have to retire and hang up his shield, but there was no way that he was going to let her go. "Nat...we're going to be alright. I promise."

Natasha blinked back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks and she nodded. The loving gaze in his blue eyes made it impossible for her not to smile back. It would be hard, leaving for Vienna without him, but his words gave her the encouragement that she needed. Leaning forward, Natasha placed a tender kiss on his lips, letting her fingers graze his scalp.

Steve's hand rested on her hip, holding her close as he kissed her back. When they pulled away to catch their breaths, she whispered, "I hope so..." Natasha squeezed his hand and looking at him longingly before she turned to walk away.

Maybe he was right. Maybe there was some hope for the Avengers and for the two of them. There **had** to be. They had all been through a lot together and perhaps this storm would make them stronger. No matter the future held, Natasha knew that she would always be loyal to Steve, and that gave her peace.


	2. Wheels Are Turning

**A/N: Prepare yourself for intense feels.**

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Natasha's head was a little foggy after the explosion at the UN Embassy. Her legs were slightly wobbly as well and she felt it would be best if she sat down for a moment. She hadn't been hurt, just a bit jostled about. It was nothing that warranted medical attention.

She fisted her hands and held them on her lap. What a mess. The signing of the Sokovia Accords should have gone smoothly. Now, there were dead bodies and injured people scattered about. It was hard for her to believe that Bucky would do this. It had to have been the Winter Soldier, but what was there to gain with his attack on the UN building? It didn't make sense. Perhaps he was being framed...

She mused on calling Steve at that point. God knows that he'd already seen the news and was probably going to head out and look for Bucky. She had to warn him, tell him to stay home for his own good. That was when she saw T'Challa sitting on a park bench a few feet away from her.

A sharp pang of guilt ran through her as she looked at him. His father had been killed right before his very eyes. That was worse than her coming home to Russia after a long absence and finding her parents had died while she was gone. That kind of pain was unimaginable. For T'Challa to lose his father in such a brutal way, without having a chance to say goodbye. It was unfair and unjust.

Natasha shook off these thoughts and sat down in the bench a few feet away from T'Challa. After such a terrible event, she knew it would be best to keep her distance from him. Most people needed to either have comfort from another person or plenty of space, and Natasha sensed that T'Challa was a man who very much needed his space.

Regardless of his needing space, Natasha wanted to see where his head was at. Surely, he had seen the news report about Bucky - although, she believed it to be the Winter Soldier - being the one who targeted the UN building. T'Challa was an honorable man, she could see that, but...this kind of grief could turn the noblest person into a revenge-obsessed individual.

She angle her body towards him and,"I'm sorry," left her lips mutely, barely above a whisper, but loud enough that they both could hear it. T'Challa kept his eyes focused on the ground and after a few long moments, Natasha wasn't sure whether she should stay here in silence or leave and let him be.

The look on his face was hard to read and that frustrated her. Usually, she was good at seeing what people were thinking by their facial expressions alone, but this man was a different story.

Finally, T'Challa spoke, but his eyes did not look up into Natasha's green ones. He continued to stare at the ground as he talked. "In my culture, death is not the end. It's more of a stepping off point. You reach out with both hands and Bast and Sekhmet, they lead you into the green veld where...you can run forever."

Natasha was not too familiar with the gods and goddess of Egyptian culture, but she had a little knowledge of Bast and Sekhmet. They were both important figures in Egyptian mythology, cat goddesses of protection and healing.

A sad smile graced Natasha's features as she responded, "That sounds very peaceful."

"My father thought so. I am not my father."

The resoluteness in his voice gave off warning signs to Natasha. This was not going to be good.

Instinctively, her back tensed and she watched T'Challa very closely. She could see it all over his face. He wanted revenge and an unsettling feeling in the pit of Natasha's stomach told her that he would go to the necessary lengths to get it. In an effort to placate and convince him not to take action, she said, "T'Challa, Task Force will decide who brings in Barnes."

T'Challa then stood, his face hardened and he gave her a glance. "Don't bother, Ms. Romanoff. I'll kill him myself." Then he walked away.

It wasn't like Natasha to panic, but she couldn't stop the uneasiness inside of her. This would not end well for anyone. She felt that she should tell Steve, but knew deep down that would only escalate matters and cause him to show up in Berlin with the intent to find Bucky and get him to safety. If the Accords hadn't been in effect, then Natasha would have been the first person by Steve's side to find Bucky. But now...now, things were different.

She picked up her cell phone, intending to warn Steve what T'Challa planned to do, but stopped herself mid-dial. That wouldn't be smart. Getting Steve involved would only damage things for the Avengers and himself. Especially now that the Accords were now officially in effect.

Natasha's thoughts were interrupted by the ring of her cell phone. She picked it up at once, recognizing who the call number belonged to. "Yeah."

Steve's baritone voice came through her phone's speaker. "You're alright?" It warmed her heart that he called to check up on her. Steve was not a person who used his phone very often and he only sent a text or called someone unless he was in a hurry. He preferred up close and personal communication with people. It was just a part of the old fashioned mind set that stayed with him after all these years.

She couldn't help the tiny smile that grew on her lips when he asked. "Uh, yeah. Thanks. I got lucky. I have a small gash on my leg, but it's not bad. It only needed a few stitches and it'll heal up in a few days."

Natasha heard Steve take a deep breath over the phone and she chuckled. He knew she could take care of herself, but he still had those moment when he worried about her safety. Natasha wasn't by any means bothered by that. In fact, she was quite happy that Steve was so concerned about her wellbeing. After a short moment of silence, he said, "Good. I'm glad you're not hurt."

It was a wonderful sensation for Natasha, knowing that someone not only cared about her being safe, but also loved her and knew her as intimately as Steve did. Sure, he could be a little overprotective at times, but it was in his nature to want the people he loved to be safe and secure. Natasha loved that about him.

"Thanks for checking up on me. You really didn't have to. Most of us got out okay, but since you called, you obviously know that. The only one who died was..." Her voice drifted off.

"T'Challa's father, King T'Chaka. I was sorry to hear about that." The sincerity in his voice was real, but unfortunately, words of remorse wouldn't sway the young prince-now-turned king. He had a mission and that mission was to kill Bucky.

"So was I..." Natasha was going to say something more, but the sirens going on around her made a lot of noise, so she waited for them to pass. Then, with a jolt, she realized that those same sirens were coming through from her cell phone as well.

Natasha stood up, darting her eyes around, hoping to catch a glance at her lover. Unfortunately, he'd concealed himself well and Natasha was a bit too sore to run around looking for him. Her mouth opened as her lips struggled to say the words that were churning around in her mind. "...I know how much Barnes means to you. I really do...stay home. You'll only make this worse...for all of us. Please."

"Are you saying you'll arrest me?" Steve asked simply.

Natasha shook her head and closed her eyes briefly. Why would he think she'd do something like that? If anything, she would do her best to keep him from being arrested. She felt a headache coming on. Biting her lip, she replied, "No... _someone_ will. If you interfere. That's how it works now."

"If he's this far gone, Nat, I should be the one to bring him in." There was such determination in Steve's voice, not unlike T'Challa's when she spoke to him earlier. Both men had a plan of action that would certainly pit them against each other, and that knowledge left Natasha feeling frightened and lost about what to do. If Steve went down the road she thought he was going to, there may be no return for him.

She wanted to plead with him, but the only word she could get out was, "Why?"

Steve didn't skip a beat before replying. "'Cause I'm the one least likely to die trying." Then he hung up. No 'Goodbye, Nat'. No 'I'll see you soon.' No 'I love you'. Just the clicking sound, letting her know that their was over.

Natasha sighed and sat back down on the bench, holding one hand to her stomach. Fear churned in her belly and she closed her eyes. It was hard not to imagine her lover getting himself in serious danger going after Bucky.

Of course, he wouldn't be alone. Sam would go with him. Those two were joined at the hip, almost like brothers. Since the ex-military pilot was one of the Avengers Natasha helped Steve train, she had gotten to know him and saw him as a bit of a brother too. She didn't want either of them, or even Bucky, to get hurt. "Oh, Steve," she whispered. "Please, don't do anything you'll regret."

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 **This chapter is kind of sad all-around. The next chapter will have a glimmer of hope in it, don't worry!**


	3. Interlude

**Author's note: This is my biggest creative license chapter because Steve and Natasha never had a moment alone together like this in Civil War. However, for the purposes of this story, I felt that an extra scene between the two lovers was needed.**

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Steve and Natasha have a quiet moment to themselves before Bucky's interrogation.

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She had known that this was going to happen. That short phone call between the two them was ominous, and after Steve had hung up, Natasha took the first flight out to Berlin, knowing that the task force would capture Steve, Bucky and Sam and take them to their headquarters. A few hours after she arrived, she saw that she was right.

When they finally arrived, she was walking towards them with a look of chastisement and humor. As she caught up with them, she walked side by side with Steve and glanced up at him. She was glad to see her teammates, of course, but she couldn't help the mild annoyance that felt towards them at the moment. Her voice was light hearted as she said to Steve, "This is what I meant by making things worse."

Sam smirked a little bit, but said nothing, and as for Steve, he kept an emotionless stance, moving his feet robotically and betraying no feeling behind his eyes. He was frustrated that Bucky had been captured, which Natasha understood, but going after him had only made things more difficult for he and the team.

Before they got to the operations room at task force headquarters, Natasha had a few words with the leader and let him know that she needed to speak with Steve privately. The man nodded and pointed to a private conference room across the hall from ops.

Natasha took Steve by the arm and pulled him with her, closing the door once they entered the room. There was no lock, but she wasn't worried about that. They may be in the Joint Counter Terrorist Center, but no one with half a gnat's brain would dare to interrupt the Black Widow if she needed alone time with someone.

She faced him, eyes full of anger. " _Why_? Why would you go after him? You knew it wouldn't accomplish anything, and now, look what's happened. You and Sam are considered criminals, the government is going to throw the book at you, the team is going to break apart! Are you happy?!"

Tears were running down Natasha's face and she began to hit Steve's chest in anger. He blocked her blows and held her back from him, letting her get all of the hurt out in the open. After a while, she sagged against him, tired from her blow up and Steve held her, stroking her arm to pacify her.

"Nat..." He held her chin up so their eyes would meet. "You have to understand. He's my family, my brother. After my parents died, even when I had nothing, I had him. Bucky is the only person here who actually knew me before I became...me."

Natasha scoffed and shook her head in annoyance. "No. Don't say that, Steve. You were _always_ Captain America, even before that shield ever came into your hands. I just...I wish you would have left it alone. It's bad enough that you didn't sign the Accords, but now, after that chase - which was televised by the way - people are going to be eyeing you very closely, Steve. They'll want you to retire now, more than ever."

Steve sighed. He decided not to address the issue of the Accords. "I know, Nat. I know, but it was Bucky. I just couldn't let them catch him first. They'd have killed him or vice versa. I know people were hurt and I'm sorry about that, but it would have been much worse if I hadn't been there. I think he does remember. He just...needs time to process everything." He gave her a pointed look and clasped her hand with his. "I would have done the same if it were you, instead."

A chuckle came from her lips and she pushed away from him, still angry about the recent events and the way they played on her mind. Natasha ran a hand over her face to dry her tears away before responding.

"You don't have to explain it to me, Steve. I do understand, really...but can't you see that this isn't going to have a happy ending? We're not going to go home to our apartments or to the Avengers Complex like a big, happy family. This is already tearing us apart, Steve, and I don't see a way out of this where none of us come out unscathed."

"I know, Natalia. I wish there were way out of it, but right now, I just don't see it. I'm sorry, but if I had to do it over again, I would."

If she were any other woman, Natasha would rant or yell at Steve for his foolishness, but she wasn't a different woman. She knew Steve almost as well as she knew herself, maybe even a little better. He would stick by his code of ethics, even if the entire world was against him. That wasn't Captain America. That was all one hundred percent Steve Rogers.

Natasha wished that the situation could have been other than what it was, but that wouldn't accomplish or change anything. They were still at an impasse. Steve wouldn't apologise for following his conscience; Nat loved him, and she wasn't willing to berate him over it.

"Yeah..." Natasha pulled him close to her and rested her head on his shoulder. The comforting and familiar scent of Steve encompassed her and she reveled in it. A few more tears slid down her cheek and she nuzzled his shirt, wiping the wetness away from her face.

Once she made sure that all of the tears were gone from her skin, she looked up at him. She framed his face in her hands and memorized every bit of him as if she were going to lose him forever. "I wish we weren't even here and in some, distant island, away from anyone that could hurt us. It's selfish, but I honestly don't care anymore. All I want is you, Steve."

The blonde gave her a gentle smile and brushed his lips over her own, caressing her lovingly. Even though Steve and Natasha had been dating for a couple of years now, he still found it hard amazing that she was willing to be so open with her emotions. She'd changed so much in five years.

He pulled back and held his forehead to hers. Their lips were apart, but their hands were still entwined tightly. "And I only want you, Nat. I wish we were anywhere but here too, but I promise you, no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you."

Those words were like sweet music to Natasha's ears and she smiled. "To the end of the line?"

"Yeah, Til the end of the line."

"Alright. I'm counting on you to keep that promise, Rogers." There was a little of that sassiness in her tone.

"You don't have to worry about a thing, Romanov," he said with playful affection as he nudged her with his arm.

Natasha leaned forward to give him another kiss, but the door opened and one of the task force soldiers came in, an apologetic look on his face. He gave them both a polite glance. "Sir, ma'am. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think you should know that James Barnes is about to be interrogated in a few minutes."

And with that, the moment was gone.

"Thank you," Steve said quietly and the man nodded at them respectfully and left, keeping the door ajar. Steve and Natasha's faces grew grim and they glanced at each other before walking out of the room and to ops.

They both hoped that maybe, just maybe things could be fixed afters interrogation was over. Perhaps there would be some way to keep Bucky safe and keep the team together. Anything was possible.

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 **-hands out tissues-  
I'm so sorry if this fic has made you cry! It wasn't my intention to make it so heartbreaking; it just came out this way. There is only one more chapter left in this story and it will be a tad short, like this one, but I plan to write an epilogue to give Steve and Natasha a happy ending. I love my babies too much to separate them! Thank you for reading and I appreciate all of the reviews and kudos you give!**

 **Lots of love, Phoebe~❤️**


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